Complicated

Question: I am writing to ask what I should do. I am in love with a man at work. He is not aware of my feelings for him. He is just the nicest, sweetest, kindest person I have ever known. If I were married to him, my life would be complete. I would be so happy. Now, the big problem. I just found out about two weeks ago that he is married. At first I couldn't believe it. It was like someone had died. But I've thought about it and realize that, if he is unhappy with his marriage, we could still be together in the future. He is several years older than me but I want to be with him more than anything and am willing to wait. "Real love is rare. It is also not logical. It is emotional. But it is real." (This is what my best friend told me.) She encouraged me to pursue my love for this man at least to see if he has any feelings for me. What do you think I should do? Bunny Stratham, Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

Answer: Bunny, you sound like a nice person yourself. I'm sure you would not want to be responsible for destroying a good marriage. Suppose you were married to this man and some other woman decided she should be married to him? Now you said it yourself: if he is unhappy with his marriage. The only possible chance I see of this working out as you wish is if the man's marriage is already in trouble. If he is already considering divorce or has already filed for a divorce, then you may be in a position to "step in" when the time is right (assuming that he is not getting a divorce for another woman). Men are normally extremely secretive about such things at the office. But there ought to be some way of finding out the real state of his marriage. If it is sound, then you need to find someone else. I know that love cannot be turned on and off like a water faucet. But you have kept your feelings in check thus far. It would probably be best for everyone if you could find a single man to love. Good luck.

Comments

Question: A friend and I were discussing your blog. He and I agreed that you usually "hit the nail on the head." But we couldn't decide why you don't get more comments. For example, your June 16th answer has only one comment. I would have thought that it would easily have a dozen. Do you filter out most comments? My friend's girlfriend read your blog and we asked her. She said you don't have many comments because your answers are so good. With the June 16th answer, she said, "what more do you want? He answered everything." But do you simply not run a lot of comments or do you not receive many? Tyler Ware, Miami, Florida

Answer: Thus far, I have used every single comment I have received. I do not receive many. I like your friend's girlfriend's reason. And, thus far, I have not had to edit any comments. I have polite readers.

A Harmless Nut?

Question: A friend of mine suggested I write you. Honestly, I had never heard of this blog. I haven't read all your answers but I have read some. You do make a lot of sense. My situation is this -- my husband and I have been married for 19 years. We decided not to have any children. But I do have an extremely cute little dog that I truly consider to be my child and I treat her as my child. Her name is Heather. I have clothes for her and a cart that I push her around in. I have been offended when some stores and restaurants do not allow me to bring my baby girl in with me. Heather is completely house-broken and better behaved than most other children. I prepare special meals for Heather because she is so special to me. My husband likes Heather but thinks I'm obsessed with her. My friend (the one who told me how to write you) thinks I'm nuts over Heather. She says I'm a harmless nut but a nut none-the-less. Do you think I'm a nut? Markie Evers, Boston, Mass.

Answer: Yes.