Monday, June 16, 2008

Discover an Interest, a Purpose or a Meaning

Question: I have read all your answers like so many others that have written to you. I think my favorite is the Feb. 2007 answer. And I like all the comments to it too.
Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my life. I am getting older but I am not doing anything constructive. I work at a dead-end job. I need my paycheck to pay my bills but there is little left over. I am divorced (no children, thank goodness). I was so fooled by my former wife, I admit that I don't really trust any of the women I date. I don't want to get into a serious relationship with any woman. I don't want to ever marry again.
I am now in my early thirties. I don't feel as if I've ever accomplished anything or that I will ever accomplish anything. I am bored by my life.
Do you have any suggestions for me? Rob Combow, Amarillo, Texas.

Answer: Yes, Rob, I do. The answer to your problem is for you to accomplish something. Now you cannot do this overnight but you can begin to do it overnight. A man is his early 30s must have some interests or hobbies. Learn what it is that interest you and pursue it. Become an "expert" in it. For example, if you are interested in UFOs, study them. Join a local UFO group. Read books about them. When a sighting in your area occurs, volunteer to investigate it. This is just an example. But the concept can be applied to anything in which you are interested. Another way to proceed is to enroll in a local college. Even if you do not yet know what you want to major in, you can still enroll. There are several general education courses you may take before you declare your main area of study. You do not have to enroll as a full-time student. Even if you take one or two courses at a time, you are moving toward graduation. There are plenty of financial aid programs around to help students attend college. Once you have earned a college degree, you can say that you have accomplished something major. Another thing you can do is to become a community volunteer. Again, find something that interests you and volunteer. This could be, for example, at an animal shelter, a food bank, the library, Little League baseball or any number of things.
Do you see what I am saying? There are many many things that a young man can do to accomplish things. Helping a child to learn is a major accomplishment. Helping an elderly lady lift and move something may seem a minor thing to a young man but it would be a major gift to an elderly woman. There really is no end to what you can do to be a community volunteer. And that is a wonderful accomplishment.
Rob, you simply have to tell yourself that you want to do something and then do it. The key is doing something that you are interested in learning more about and becoming truly knowledgeable in that area.
Oh, and Rob, lots of guys have been "fooled" by women. A lot of women have been fooled by men. Unfortunately, it happens. A lot. I think the key to having a good strong relationship with a woman is to become real friends with her first. Try this. At the very worst, you make new friends. And that is a major accomplishment. None of them may develop into a romantic relationship but don't look at them like that. Having a female friend can be wonderful. All by itself, Rob. With no romance involved. If romance follows the friendship, it will happen. If it's there, she will usually be the one who will subtly let the male know. Often, however, the male cannot pick up on her subtle signs. Sometimes (and if it is meant to be) she will have to be more obvious. He is often afraid to make the first move because he thinks it will ruin the friendship. And, if she is not interested in romance with him, it may. So leave it up to her. Love will find a way.
I wish you all the best, Rob.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry that Rob feels so hurt by his ex-wife that he is against all women. But I think you gave an absolutely beautiful answer. I hope he listens to your advice.
Sarah K., Millen, Ga.

7:22 AM  

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