Don't think you can have your cake and eat it too.

Question: I have a situation. My boyfriend lives with me (the apartment is rented in my name). I don't really remember agreeing that he could move in. It just seemed to evolve into this situation. I don't want him to live with me anymore. But I don't necessarily want to break up with him either. How can I tell him to move out of my apartment but not out of my life? I think I still want to date him. Priscilla McGranahan, Oklahoma City, Ohlahoma.

Answer: Priscilla, to be honest, I'm not sure you can. This will depend upon the character of your boyfriend. And how deeply he loves you. (I'm presuming that love is involved here.) I have heard of this before you. But it was always with a bride-to-be. I knew of a woman who lived with her boyfriend for over three years. But after he proposed and they set a date, she wanted him to move out until the wedding day. I don't think I'd go into the circumstances of how he wound up as your permanent roommate. Rather, I'd simply explain that you have become uncomfortable sharing your apartment with a man who is not your husband. This way, you are not dumping on him specifically but on the situation. You are not blaming him; but rather, stating how you feel. One of his first thoughts will be that you think he is an awful sex partner. I'm presuming that you do not think that since you want to keep him as a boyfriend. You may tell him that it has nothing to do with your sexual relationship, which is good. The second thing he may think is that you are pressuring him to marry. Again, dispell this by simply stating that marriage is not part of this decision. It is simply the way you feel. And every woman is entitled to her feelings. Since it is your apartment, give him a reasonable amount of time to find his own place -- but the sooner the better. Let him know that you would like to continue dating him. He may be shocked by this. You may even begin this "talk" with that statement. In any case, he is not likely to understand. But, if he loves you, he will respect your feelings. However, to be honest with you, once he moves into his own place, I would expect that he will stop dating you. You should expect it also.