Don't confuse fantasy with reality
Question: I am a married mother of two wonderful little girls. I am 32 years old. I met, online, a man who is a 20-year-old college student. He is engaged to be married. I have talked with him on the phone several times. I have fallen in love with him. My husband is a nice man. I seriously do not know what to do. I dream of us being together. He lives almost 800 miles away but I have planned out several ways that we can get together. He told me upfront that he wants to have sex with me. I want to have sex with him so that is not a problem. I do not want to mess up things with my daughters. A friend told me of your blog and that is why I am writing you. What do you think I should do? Elsie W., St. Louis, Mo.
Answer: Elsie, at first I thought your question was a "joke" question. But several ladies at work assured me that it could certainly be real. My view is that it is not likely that anything good can come from this relationship. You say you don't want to mess up things with your daughters. If you separate them from their father, the nice man, you will be "messing things up." How old are your two girls? I don't know that I would trust a 20-year-old to be around young teen girls. I think that lust, not love, is the primary thing involved here. This man may have sexual intentions not only for you but also for your daughters. I think that sometimes we create fantasy situations in our minds. If those fantasies ever become reality, they almost always disappoint. Why would a 20-year-old college student want to get involved with a 32-year-old married woman with two children? Unless he sees an opportunity for a grand sexual adventure, what is the attraction? You live 800 miles away. Is he going to drop out of college and move to be with you? In the real world, the one of reality, none of this makes sense. You say you have fallen in love with him and yet, you have never met him. I love love. I am the last person to put down love. But this situation does not describe love to me. I am not saying that an older woman/younger man relationship cannot work out successfully or that two such people cannot be in love. But you two do not really truly know each other. What of your husband? What of your daughters? Do you give them up for this man? If you just want a sexual fling, I'm sure that there are plenty of men in St. Louis. Perhaps you want the sexual activity but by picking someone from so far away, you have found an "excuse" so that you cannot have the sexual activity. There are too many possibilities involved here. My advice is to see if you cannot find a way to fall in love with your husband all over again. Make him your sex slave or be his sex slave or whatever works for the two of you. Enjoy the life you have with your current family. Have fun with your husband and with your daughters. Have fun as a family. Don't spend any energy and time pining away for some man you don't even know. Leave him alone and don't ever look back and wonder, "what might have been?" That is only a fantasy. You have to live a real life in the real world. Don't confuse the two.
Elsie, I genuinely wish you a happy life.
Answer: Elsie, at first I thought your question was a "joke" question. But several ladies at work assured me that it could certainly be real. My view is that it is not likely that anything good can come from this relationship. You say you don't want to mess up things with your daughters. If you separate them from their father, the nice man, you will be "messing things up." How old are your two girls? I don't know that I would trust a 20-year-old to be around young teen girls. I think that lust, not love, is the primary thing involved here. This man may have sexual intentions not only for you but also for your daughters. I think that sometimes we create fantasy situations in our minds. If those fantasies ever become reality, they almost always disappoint. Why would a 20-year-old college student want to get involved with a 32-year-old married woman with two children? Unless he sees an opportunity for a grand sexual adventure, what is the attraction? You live 800 miles away. Is he going to drop out of college and move to be with you? In the real world, the one of reality, none of this makes sense. You say you have fallen in love with him and yet, you have never met him. I love love. I am the last person to put down love. But this situation does not describe love to me. I am not saying that an older woman/younger man relationship cannot work out successfully or that two such people cannot be in love. But you two do not really truly know each other. What of your husband? What of your daughters? Do you give them up for this man? If you just want a sexual fling, I'm sure that there are plenty of men in St. Louis. Perhaps you want the sexual activity but by picking someone from so far away, you have found an "excuse" so that you cannot have the sexual activity. There are too many possibilities involved here. My advice is to see if you cannot find a way to fall in love with your husband all over again. Make him your sex slave or be his sex slave or whatever works for the two of you. Enjoy the life you have with your current family. Have fun with your husband and with your daughters. Have fun as a family. Don't spend any energy and time pining away for some man you don't even know. Leave him alone and don't ever look back and wonder, "what might have been?" That is only a fantasy. You have to live a real life in the real world. Don't confuse the two.
Elsie, I genuinely wish you a happy life.
posted by Scot Andrews at 12:14 PM
1 Comments:
I like your answer to Elsie. But you didn't mention his fiancee. What about her? How can he be engaged and still want to fool around with a married woman 800 miles away? And what does that say about the character of the man? Not much. I think the 32-year-old married woman is a nut case without any morals or sense of decency.
Post a Comment
<< Home