Become best friends before you become lovers!

Question: For four years, I lived with "Roger." I pretty much supported us both. He had odd jobs, off and on, over the four years and helped occasionally with the groceries. It is my house so I guess I should say "for four years, Roger lived with me." Once, I had somewhat minor surgery but had to stay in the hospital for three days. I found out later that Roger cheated on me while I was in the hospital. Another bad thing he did was to take my ATM card and clean out my account. He said he was going to pay me back but he never has. This is the truth: four day before our 4th anniversary, he tells me it is over between us and that he is moving out. And he does. He now lives with a woman who works where I do. She has quite a reputation and two-year old son. My question for you is why do I still feel love for him in my heart. Why do I even care about him? Now that we are no longer a couple, all my friends tell me that he is an awful person and I am lucky to be rid of him. But I miss him. And if he wanted to come back to me, I probably would agree. What should I do? Allyson Post, Cleveland, Ohio.

Answer: Allyson, Allyson, Allyson. Bless your heart. You sound like a person with a kind heart and anyone would be lucky to be in your life. What should you do? You should wait until you meet a man who will love you for you. You should never settle for a jerk like "Roger." It always surprises me when I hear of a woman who tolerates such treatment at the hands of men like Roger. They are so many "Rogers" out there who treat women so poorly. My advice to all of them is simply not to ever accept it or tolerate it. The first time it happens, say goodbye. Allyson, you should consider yourself fortunate that you dodged a jerk like Roger. Think how awful your life would be if you and Roger had married. Someday, love (real genuine love) will come your way. Find a man with whom you can be best friends. Fall in love with this best friend and marry him. Forget about Roger! He is a part of your past. Learn from your mistakes with men like that and resolve never to make the same mistakes again. Never ever consider taking Roger back into your life! There actually are decent men out there, each of whom wants to find a woman who will be their best friend and whom they can fall in love with and marry. Become best friends before you become lovers. You'll both appreciate it more if you do. I wish you all the best, Allyson.