Dump her!
Question: You said that you answer questions about relationships. I have been dating a woman for four months. We have had absolutely terrific sex for the past three months. But the last three or four weeks, I have noticed that she has less interest in me. At the same time, I think I am
beginning to fall in love with her. Last Friday, she cancelled a date and on Saturday, she said she was not feeling well. But on Sunday afternoon, we had a session of fantastic sex. She could not have been better. But still, I
have noticed that she is not as caring as she was earlier in our relationship. We aren't fighting; I just have noticed that the atmosphere has changed. I would like for the relationship to progress to a deeper and more meaningful level but she seems primarily interested in the sex. I want more than a physical relationship with her but I feel it slipping away. What should I do?
— Gary, Dallas, Texas
Answer: First, let me say that I respect you, Gary, for saying that you want a real love relationship with this woman. You didn't tell me your ages and that can be an important factor. One of the most difficult things in any relationship between two people is to realize, no matter how much one may wish it, if both are not on the same page, it is not likely to succeed. In other words, it takes two. One cannot have a happy relationship without the total commitment of the other. You sound as though the two of you have a successful sexual relationship. Many couples, often married, do not even have that. But you have found, or are finding, that sex alone is not enough to have a happy relationship. Love is either there or it is not. In your case, I think you and I both can tell that it is not there on the part of your sexual partner. My advice to you is, before any more time passes, go ahead and dump her. I don't think she is going to be too upset. And you will be doing yourself a big favor. There are many many other women "out there" who are also seeking what you (and everyone else) is seeking — love. Sex is a wonderful expression of love. But sex without love is simply a physical act — good, but not nearly as fulfilling as making love. I remember a guy once bragging about all the women with whom he had made love. I immediately told him that he was lying. He had not made love with any of them. He was flabbergasted. He insisted that he had and I did not know what I was talking about. I told him that he had had sex with those women but he had probably never made love in his life. There is a world of difference and it is worth the search. Perhaps you will find it easier the next time if you establish a real friendship with your partner before you hit the sheets. It depends upon what you are seeking — simply a physical act or the art of making love. I think, Gary, that you are truly searching for genuine love. She's out there! I know sometimes you think you will never find her. But you will. The one you are meant to spend the rest of your life with is definitely out there. You may have several "first dates" before you find her but when you do, you and she will know it. You won't have to write for advice because you both will know it. Good luck to you, Gary.
beginning to fall in love with her. Last Friday, she cancelled a date and on Saturday, she said she was not feeling well. But on Sunday afternoon, we had a session of fantastic sex. She could not have been better. But still, I
have noticed that she is not as caring as she was earlier in our relationship. We aren't fighting; I just have noticed that the atmosphere has changed. I would like for the relationship to progress to a deeper and more meaningful level but she seems primarily interested in the sex. I want more than a physical relationship with her but I feel it slipping away. What should I do?
— Gary, Dallas, Texas
Answer: First, let me say that I respect you, Gary, for saying that you want a real love relationship with this woman. You didn't tell me your ages and that can be an important factor. One of the most difficult things in any relationship between two people is to realize, no matter how much one may wish it, if both are not on the same page, it is not likely to succeed. In other words, it takes two. One cannot have a happy relationship without the total commitment of the other. You sound as though the two of you have a successful sexual relationship. Many couples, often married, do not even have that. But you have found, or are finding, that sex alone is not enough to have a happy relationship. Love is either there or it is not. In your case, I think you and I both can tell that it is not there on the part of your sexual partner. My advice to you is, before any more time passes, go ahead and dump her. I don't think she is going to be too upset. And you will be doing yourself a big favor. There are many many other women "out there" who are also seeking what you (and everyone else) is seeking — love. Sex is a wonderful expression of love. But sex without love is simply a physical act — good, but not nearly as fulfilling as making love. I remember a guy once bragging about all the women with whom he had made love. I immediately told him that he was lying. He had not made love with any of them. He was flabbergasted. He insisted that he had and I did not know what I was talking about. I told him that he had had sex with those women but he had probably never made love in his life. There is a world of difference and it is worth the search. Perhaps you will find it easier the next time if you establish a real friendship with your partner before you hit the sheets. It depends upon what you are seeking — simply a physical act or the art of making love. I think, Gary, that you are truly searching for genuine love. She's out there! I know sometimes you think you will never find her. But you will. The one you are meant to spend the rest of your life with is definitely out there. You may have several "first dates" before you find her but when you do, you and she will know it. You won't have to write for advice because you both will know it. Good luck to you, Gary.
posted by Scot Andrews at 8:42 AM
1 Comments:
You wrote this response over a year ago but I am reading it for the first time today. I just want you to know that I love this answer. It makes so much sense! I have been going back and reading all your answers. They are still good even after a year. Thank you.
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